Tides Are High

SIGH. so many shits going on at this moment. and i thought i was strong.

but maybe not strong enough. here i am feeling all stressed out, frustrated and blue.. i dunnoe whom to talk to. it's like there are hundreds, hundreds of people around me but.. when i turn around to hold on to or open my heart to, my vision has blurred out.. am i being too secretive? or too scared to trust anyone? or am i scared that people will find out how my life is not so-uncool as they think mine is? more than once, i've said how people around me put up too many labels on me when most of the labels don't describe any part of me.. and how people have rather too high expectations on me.. it's not that i'm not confident about myself; it's just the truth i cannot live up to everyone's expectations and hopes.. STOP.

i really love my family, more than anything else but.. there are some family matters that stress me out so much.. on the outside, i'm a bubbly, fun-loving, crazy, random soul like anyone else... but inside, my heart is heavy.. it's full of worries for my future, my dream and my family.. i never thought i needed someone to be part of my life.. but at times like this, i feel so lost on my own like i feel i need someone whom i can tell my everything, who won't judge me, but still cherish me and constantly remind me that i'll be okay.. well, friends? i do have very good friends (i love my friends) and i know i can rely on them.. why am i so taken aback to talk to them? i don't have an answer.. maybe i don't want to make em worried for me when everyone has his own mess to take care of.. i don't wanna be a burden, adding onto my friend's worries.. STOP.

so what do i do? current mood: very frustrated, stressed and sad.

it's been such a long time i feel this down. how bad? a social-networkaholic me didn't even go to facebook or g talk since i got back from work.. and right now, where i wanna be is somewhere peaceful, like a meditation centre maybe.. leave me alone people.

31st Jan 2010