Monday, October 11, 2010
My Daughter's Letter to the Man She Will Love Someday
by: Cathy Babao-Guballa
RELATIONSHIPS are ALWAYS a difficult terrain to navigate.
As a woman, you spend hours pondering—alone or with your girl friends—the intricacies of the human heart. You always hope and pray that the next generation will get it better than you did.
Below is a letter I found in my daughter’s website (I have her permission to share this). She wrote it to “the man I will someday love.”
I was expecting to read a gushing, romantic, idealistic tome. I was humbled instead by her sentiments. It’s filled with sensible expectations.
I pray that this will make every girl believe that hope does spring eternal, and even if your heart has been broken a few times, you can always put the pieces back together, and make it right the next time around.
Take your time. Don’t rush and don’t just “settle.” If it’s part of His plan, God’s best awaits you out there.
I will admit that sometimes I really do wonder if you exist.
There is a part of every little girl’s heart that envisions her prince charming. At age three, it is usually of a man who can save her from the wrath of an evil stepmother, wake her from eternal slumber or give her that true love’s kiss.
In elementary school, he becomes the boy with the least cooties, the one who’s willing to cross the playground to share his Oreos even if it makes him a target for the week of all the other boys.
Come high school, it’s that boy you stand with at prom, who your father stared down at the door, who provided you with an experience complete with photos you will cringe at a decade later, a corsage that yellows in the refrigerator, and a faded memory of a night that seemed almost too magical to be real.
Nineteen years into this life, however, and still unwilling to give my heart away, I am still that same little girl who hopes for her prince charming. And although I wonder why it has taken you this long to sweep me off my feet and whisk me off to your palace on horseback, I know that it is probably because meeting you will be better than any fairytale I could’ve read as a kid.
A couple of heartbreaks and a few years wiser though, I will admit that there are times when I question your existence. Because I have yet to meet the guy who makes me hear songs like “All My Life” or “A Whole New World” in my head when I see him does not mean I don’t hope that it’ll ever happen.
I may already know you or may still meet you someday—something I leave completely up to God because I’m pretty sure our story will be epic.
However, I can’t promise you that I’d make the world’s most perfect princess. In fact I’ll probably keep you on your toes and amuse you with my eccentricities—there are a lot of them. I’ll probably steal a bunch of your T-shirts and turn them into shirt dresses, or drive you slightly mad with my obsessive compulsivity and my need to fix your collar constantly.
I can promise to be your best friend however—that person you can rant to after a rough day, the hand you can hold when you get sad, or the person you can text when situations get awkward.
I’ll probably mess up your hair sometimes and hug you for too long, but that’ll only be because I absolutely adore you. I’ll bury my head in your shoulder during scary movies and make you feel like superman when you kill those flying cockroaches that really shouldn’t exist. I’ll cook your favorite food on your birthday and try my best to make friends with your mom.
I’ll respect your nights-out with the boys and make you seem like the perfect guy to my barkada. I’ll watch basketball or soccer games with you, and not complain when you cheer too loudly at the TV set.
I’ll know the difference between giving you space and being constantly there for you—even if it means sitting and playing video games with you or taking hot chocolate runs when it rains.
I’ll listen to your music and we’ll go on epic adventures together—seeing the world, taking awesome pictures, eating awesome food, and never running out of things to tell each other along the way.
I won’t be waiting for you to sweep me off my feet and take me on a magic carpet ride, because I know I won’t need anything like that to fall for you—I will love you for you.
You will be that someone to make goofy faces with in pictures, to lace fingers with when I’m lonely, and to take long walks under the stars with on the beach.
You’ll be the guy who takes me the way I am—and will laugh as I burst into Disney song or pick out pink wallpaper.
You’ll be that someone I envision a future with—us filling out visa forms as we travel the universe, picking out our first dog together and arguing about what to name it, or being snap-happy stage parents in our preschooler’s annual mini-plays. And I keep hoping that maybe someday when we find each other, you will become that someone whose smile I wake up to in the morning and the last one I speak to every night.
So to the man I know does exist, and who will help me maybe make sense of the world someday, this man I can’t wait to love. Please know that I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. But for now, I wait. Fingers crossed and palms held together, I hope that you’re out there somewhere, waiting for me, too.
With the hope I will be yours for always,
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Yes, I tend to be doubtful about every move of anyone who approaches me.
I always fear that the same kind of ugly ending would sneak up on me and I would once again have to go through the pain and embarrassment of losing someone I trusted wholeheartedly, to betrayal.
You may call me a paranoid, but I'm not depressed. I'm not emotional. Maybe, paranoid is just the perfect word to define my state.
The past relationship has left me with a pessimistic way of thinking regarding guys and relationships.
I constantly need reassurance that the specific person only has eyes for me and that I could entrust him my heart and everything I have.
And if that's too much to ask for, that's really okay for me.
I'm not a teenage girl who would be falling for sweet words or presents because I don't need any of them.
As a 21-year-old woman, I have grown strong and smart enough to find happiness, comfort, serenity, love and all I need in my beloved friends and family.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Most of us, as we grow old, go through repetitive series of events e.g., travelling back and forth to home country or as simple as getting up for early classes/work. However, some of them over time have made us used to them. For example, if you have had early classes everyday for more than two weeks, you will get used to getting up early and you will not even need an alarm clock to wake you up. That is one type of event.
So, here comes another. The type of event you do not get used to no matter how frequent it happens.
Right now, I am sitting in the waiting hall of departure (at Yangon International Airport) waiting to board the plane, which will carry me back to Singapore.
I am having cold feet and an unstable heart. I have travelled back and forth to Singapore and Myanmar for about four times. However, my feet are heavy and they do not wanna carry me where they should.
The time, which I spent in Yangon, seems to have flown away with the wind. I want more time, just a little bit maybe, here where I have grown up. I am already missing my mom, my mischievous brother, my relatives, the foods and my beloved friends.
I am not the type to cry. I have never cried whenever I get separated from my family; at times like this when my mom and dad would be in tears. Whenever I see my friends off, people would cry and I would not. That is not because my heart is made of steel but because I am suffocating too much in my heart that tears just will not come out anymore. So, you see, sometimes I wish I could have cried. It is much easier than holding back inside, suffocating, and being not able to cry. I think that is the habit I have gotten from my brothers. Like guys, I do not show my emotions most of the time; neither do I know how.
Yes, I got it from them. Whenever I feel hurt or sad, unconsciously I am holding back. It gets hard to breathe.
That is exactly what is happening to me right now.
Parting my family, home, relatives and friends, is something that I will never get used to.
I am feeling nervous and I do not know what to do so here I am typing out what I feel. Bitter Bitter Bitter.
Now, the people in charge at the airport are calling. I have to go.
Goodbye, Yangon. Despite all the differences compared to other developed cities like Singapore, I still love you the most.
27-06-2010 (Sunday) (10:00 AM)
Monday, May 17, 2010
Sanao Ni Narenakute... is a Japanese drama I'm currently watching.
It gave me a lot of foods for thought. It isn't a typical love story. It's not even a drama. There are much emotion to it. It revolves around 5 people who became friends via Twitter and they had become the only people for one another whom they could confess everything to and receive forgiveness from. They are going through terrible things they can't tell others yet still try their best to look fine on the outside.
Well I don't know how right I am to say everyone feels the way I do but I can relate to this drama. It reflects the reality of solitude in our souls.. how even though people have families and best friends, it is very possible that they still feel lonely. When people don't think they can be forgiven or be understood by others, they just stock everything in their little hearts, putting on smiles everyday to look normal.
The more you try to be perfect, the further you get from your real self.. Isn't it so?
So, do you want a life with too much pretension?
I guess, no one will say yes 'cause neither do I. We would one day get tired of being someone-who-we-are-not.
I love my family and best friends of mine. They are the best things that have ever happened to me and I'm grateful for that.
It's just me. One day when I had enough courage to let out the skeletons in my closet, my only wish is that they'd still love me as they do now.
Until then, self-guilt will only build up as a punishment.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
In fact, I'm really bushed by school stuffs which have been piled up by myself who likes to put off things till the last minute.
Since Valentine's Day, some friends of mine who are attached have been telling me how they received bouquets of flowers, cutesy gifts, and chocolates from their lovely boyfriends.
Then, this question always came. WHAT DID YOU DO? (Implying what I received, actually).
I proudly said, "Oh my best friend from the States called me and I stayed home." and smiled widely. ^__^ They may not understand why having a call from a friend is that significant. But, to me, my best friends are everything. Zaw Lin Myat__ he's been really busy lately with his school as he reaches senior year in college. Unreasonable I, as usual, complained to him how he'd not been keeping in touch with me a few days ago. Ta da~! And then, he called! We had some good time catching up/joking around with things going on in our lives. :)
Hey who cares I'm single on a V'day~ or who cares I don't get any gift~
Something as subtle as a call from someone important to me can bring more joy than anything else. <3
I may not be as lucky as other people in some parts of life, be it love issues. But, I've got the BESTEST of best friends. P.S I love you ei & zlm. :) <3
Thursday, February 11, 2010
yes, i'm jealous if you are to ask me. i'm single and there's no way i can like valentines' day. usually, i'll just hide in my cave 'cause the sight of lovey-doveys and overly cutesy things can actually give me a nausea.
no valentine = no chocolate = no surprise = no beautifully-wrapped gift = no flowers = no candle-lit dinner = no romantic date = no exchanging of glances = no chemistry = no sweets xD
on 355 days of 356, i don't feel regretful or sad that i've chosen to be single. but this one day, feb 14, gets to me.
i am a hopeless romantic haha. i've always had really romantic imaginations about my date, my relationship and my wedding, which is quite far-fetched. lol.
for some reason, the fate doesn't favor me. since i was born, i'd been single on all valentines' days! =.= when i was in a relationship, i had so many things planned on my mind to carry out on his b'day, one month's anniversary, and valentines' day etc.,
but yeah, like i said before, it is as if i'm bad-luck-struck in love;
i had already broken up with him before his b'day, to be exact, we broke up on our 2nd month anni,... and way before valentines' day. life is such a joke. i felt like an idiot, to have planned things which would never happen. as we girls always do, i will say this again. "He doesn't deserve me or any good will from me". i have always believed that there's always a reason why people can't make it to your present, usually for better. oh well, that was my first "real" relationship i had and my last one too. i actually had one relationship before that, but we can't really call it a relationship because it was only 1-week-plus long.
speaking of above, it's frustrating how people always assume that i must've had many relationships or i must be attached and they'll still generously spread their opinions. screw you, people. people who don't know me personally always misjudge me.
TWO THINGS I HATE MOST: BEING JUDGEMENTAL & IGNORANT.
if you wanna know nething, be it too personal, just come straight to my face and ask me.
i really hate it when people assume things about me and act as if they've known me for years...
oh well, i dunnoe why im writing about all these stuffs... in fact, i'm tired and wanna sleep.. and i'm gon pray that god has created someone, somewhere on this earth, who deserves my romantic side. xD hehe paw lite ya mha, 8 pyaw ei. :P
good night people~
oh. in fact, i've a friendly-date with a friend on v'day :)
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
I really liked how it's been said. Razor-sharp.
I come out with my own thinking that.. if everyone agrees to my idea, maybe I haven't been creative enough or vice versa, just because someone opposes my idea, it doesn't mean my idea isn't fantastic!
Just some random thoughts. Going for quiz now. :)